Clarity before booking
A note that says “I’m picky” helps nobody. A note that separates medical necessity from preference, names specific ingredients, and lands before the host shops changes outcomes. Home kitchens are flexible but not magical; clarity is the respect both sides deserve.
Guests: structure your message
- Severity — “Anaphylactic to peanuts” vs “prefer low dairy.”
- Scope — Every course or only mains?
- Cross-contact tolerance — “Cannot share fryer with shellfish” vs “okay if traces.”
- Positive alternatives — “Happy with vegetarian protein if pork is default.”
Avoid dumping a novel during service; send when you book or at the day-before checkpoint.
Hosts: promise only what you control
You can certify your menu choices and prep in your pans. You usually cannot certify a supplier’s unseen facility. Language like “we avoid X in our kitchen; ingredients are labelled to the best of our knowledge” is honest. “100% nut-free facility” is rarely true in a flat.
Parallel plates beat risky substitutions
When a substitution forces weird corners—vegan cheese that does not melt, gluten-free bread that falls apart—consider a parallel dish with its own integrity instead of a sad mimic of the main.
When you should decline
If a request exceeds your training or insurance comfort, decline early with kindness. A refused booking hurts less than an ambulance.
Stay in the loop
Pair with risk-awareness-for-hosts (workflow and disclaimers) and coordination for when to resend dietary notes in the timeline.